It’s alright Ma(rmite) – I’m only clowning


I’d just dropped my daughter off at school this morning, when she ran back to me wielding a penny she’d just recovered from the floor. “Daddy, take this home – we’re not allowed money at school!”

Look after the pennies, and all that. I was tempted to tell her I’d send it to Unilever, who this week had a falling out with Tesco over product prices, but I wasn’t sure she’d appreciate my #economybantz.

Unilever – one of Tesco’s biggest suppliers – wrote to the supermarket giant this week to pass on a 10% price increase onto, well, us ultimately. Tesco rebuffed, instead removing Unilever’s products from their website.

It’s all down to the fact the pound has plummeted to 30-year lows in recent weeks. It’s costing Unilever more to import their goods to the UK, and thus Unilever want to recoup some of their losses from us, the customers.  Tesco were having none of it which, in my opinion, was quite a good play by boss David Lewis. Although as this article outlines, there was a risk that customers simply went elsewhere.

This story certainly captured the imagination of the press, who are hovering with intent over any story that implies (whisper it) Brexit is having an impact on the UK economy. Tesco and Unilever have now kissed and made up, so both parties must-ard reached a compromise (mustard – Colmans – Unilever brand, geddit?!).


You could call both firms a couple of clowns for letting their price dispute get this far, but that would have unfortunate connotations this week. For a new fad has hit the UK, with idle youths donning clown masks to scare members of the public. The craze has led to police banning the sale of clown masks in fancy dress shops, with  real clowns (if there is such a thing) taking to BBC Radio 5 Live to say ‘this is no laughing matter – business has been dented.’

What goes through these kids’ minds, honestly;

“What did you do today, son?”

“Well, I went into town, spent my pocket money on a clown mask, and scared the bejesus out of an old lady!”

“Literally never been prouder of you, son”

A youngster wearing a clown mask was hit by a car in Southampton this week – his sight obstructed by an aforementioned mask. There’s a joke there somewhere, but it’d probably be about as funny as, well, a kid in a clown mask.


This week saw one of my absolute idols, Bob Dylan, receiving the Noble Prize in Literature – the first member of the Rock and Roll hall of fame to do so. There’ll be those who question why a musician has won such an award, but in my view Dylan is the greatest lyricist of modern times. His work is poetry put to music, from the apocalyptic ‘A hard rain is gonna fall’ to the iconic ‘Blowin in the wind’.

Even if you think you don’t know Dylan, chances are you have come across songs he’s written somewhere:

·         Make you feel my love – Adele

·         Rise – Gabrielle

·         Mr Tamborine Man – the Byrds

·         Knockin on Heaven’s Door – Guns N Roses

·         Wheels on fire (theme tune to Absolutely Fabulous) – Julie Driscoll

All the people can’t be all right all the time. Bob Dylan said that.

Have a good weekend.


One thought on “It’s alright Ma(rmite) – I’m only clowning

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