Away in a manger, no KFC box for a bed

Nothing says festive fun like the email I received at work this week entitled ‘Christmas decoration guidelines’.

‘Was this a joke’, I asked myself. Did the email actually say, ‘just joking, guys – have a fab Christmas!’ No. It literally detailed instructions on where and how to hang my tinsel. Ho ho blooming ho.

“Guys, we are going out for Christmas lunch. You may have fun for one hour and 30 minutes, but not a second longer.” Organised fun – you’ve got to love it.

Still, I’m hoping for a little anarchy when I attend my kids’ nativity performances later this month. Liam tells me that, in a modern twist, his production will see a newly born ‘Jesus’ placed in an empty KFC bucket. One not to miss, that.

If that’s not enough controversy for you, then news this week that the new five pound note contains meat extracts oughta do it. A couple of questions spring to mind:

1) Who discovered that animal fat (tallow) was in the new fivers and

2) Why would one produce a brand new note with animal fat, knowing what a contentious issue it might be were said use of animal fat to become publicly known.

Not wishing to be outdone in the controversy stakes though, Jose Mourinho’s been at it again – this time kicking a water bottle and being sent to the stands. Reports suggest the bottle has yet to land, unlike Jose’s punishment of a one match ban and an £8,000 fine.

Mourinho would make an excellent pantomime villain though, wouldn’t he? I can just see him treading the boards as Buttons or one of the ugly sisters. Southampton have Shane Richie and Jessie Wallace to look forward to in this year’s panto at the Mayflower. Again, one not to miss…

If only Donald Trump was a fictional villain. Instead, he will be President of the United States in little over a month’s time. A scary prospect. This week UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, gave him a tinkle on the blower to say hi. The pair have agreed to meet once he’s moved into the White House. I find it all rather pathetic, that Downing Street are briefing journalists about such conversations. News? I think not.

Still, at least May’s not blowing thousands of pounds of taxpayers money by flying out to meet him. If so this local MP from my home island of Jersey might have a word or two to say.

Here’s Deputy Sam Mezec berating local politicians for being ‘utterly clueless’ about how ordinary people on the island live. Politics is changing across the world, let alone in the UK and in this case Jersey. And while Mezec talks about local issues here, his opposition to the establishment is something we can all associate with. I think this is brilliant.

But I couldn’t close this post without acknowledging the greatest sitcom of all time, who this week lost one of its incredibly talented cast members. Andrew Sachs, who played Manuel, passed away on Thursday. A genius character, played by a genius actor.

There’s an irony here about the country’s love for Manuel, an immigrant from Spain (played by an immigrant from Germany) who we all took to our hearts, but that’s for another time.

Bye for now. And for God’s sake enjoy the Christmas  festivities.

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