A new year, a close shave 

“Shave it off, Dad!”

Somehow I managed to let my kids talk me into shaving my beard off this week. I know – huge news.

So off I trudged to the bathroom the other night, Liam and Ella in close proximity. Out came the shaving foam, from deep within the bowels of the bathroom cupboard. Then the razor. A blade already present on the shaft and looking in tact, despite the 18 months that’s past since it’s last outing. Waste not want not, and all that.

“Shave it off! Shave it off!” First Liam and then Ella bellowed. Like the Northam Stand at St Mary’s on a Saturday afternoon. Well, maybe not now that the skipper’s said he wants to leave, but that’s another story. Here we go then.

I’ll admit it wasn’t quite Gillette advert, razor gliding smoothly across a perfectly chiselled jaw, like a cheese knife through a delicious chunk of Stilton (there’s still some in your fridge from Christmas, isn’t there?!) No, this was more like a slightly knackered Hoover, one which you have to drag over the same piece of carpet 50 times in order to pick up a thread of cotton that won’t budge and you refuse to pick up.

Ten minutes later and the bathroom resembled a guinea pig beauty parlour, with brown, black and grey bristles disbursed everywhere. How do they scatter so?

“Mum, quick – come and look at Dad!” The kids shout, hysterically. Who knew facial hair could be so contentious! “I preferred you with a beard,” came Maria’s typically frank critique. This from the woman who’s bemoaned my beard for a year and a half.

Still it’s a new year, and I’m determined not to let that setback bring me down, and instead approach the challenges and opportunities that 2017 brings with a sense of optimism and hope.

And then I hear that Donald Trump is siding with Putin over the CIA and I remember that, although there’s a new calendar up in the kitchen and BBC ONE has new title sequences, the world is still in a perilous state.

The gist of Trump’s beef? The CIA believe Russia hacked Hilary Clinton’s emails during the US Election, and that they impacted the result by disseminating fake news.

Now, call me a cynic, but isn’t the CIA reporting in public that Russia hacked Hilary Clinton and influenced the US presidential election an admission that, basically, Russia outdid the US Security Services? And isn’t it a bit of a gaff to admit to such a failing against one of your biggest adversaries?

Obviously there’s evidence to support all this, no doubt, otherwise why on earth would the CIA say all this??

One thing you can expect to see – or rather hear – in 2017 is Trump appearing on UK radio station LBC, after the man-who-won’t-be-named was given his own show. Tony Hayers should be sacked (he likes cheese too).

Given this blog’s approach to starve the man of coverage, it’s a tad frustrating that he now has a platform from which he can spout his diatribe. Wait for the video clips to flood your Facebook timeline, accompanied by friend’s outrage as to why he’s allowed to say the things he does. BECAUSE IT GETS HIM WORK, that’s why!

I sometimes think I should say emotive, explosive things just to get more clicks on my blogs. But then I remember, I’m not a dick.

Still, maybe the new year will bring hope and optimism. I’m hopeful, but not overly optimistic. Either way I’m growing my beard back. The kids will get over it.

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2 thoughts on “A new year, a close shave 

  1. That’s exactly what I’m like with the vacuum and the rogue piece of cotton. Haha. On a less funny note, I didn’t know that about LBC. How… disappointing.

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  2. Thanks Kate. A lot of people have empathised with the vaccuum / thread dichotomy! Yes agreed on LBC – really disappointing hire. It’s car crash listening, unfortunately people listen in order to take offence and complain, and that just flames the fire. Then there are people who actually believe what he says, which is even more worrying…

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